As we are nearing Nations 3rd birthday and I am
pregnant with the little one inside. I think more and more of Nations’ birth
mother.
Feeling the little one inside me kick, reading how she is
already learning my scent. I grieve with Nations the loss of her birth mother,
and I grieve with her mother, though I don’t know if she is alive or dead, the
loss of the beautiful treasure of Nations. I don’t know the circumstances of
why she left her but I know that Nations will always be in her heart… she could
never forget.
I love my little African Queen with all my heart. I feel so
blessed that I get to be her mother, but I know of the heartache that she will
soon experience as she lives a life without the one who brought her into the
world the one whose expressions she holds the one she most likely looks like.
Sometimes I wonder if I bumped into her birth mother if I would recognize her
or maybe she resembles her birth father. You always try to protect your children from sadness and heartache but this one i can't protect her from.
Here, where we are living, many people ask about her. Adoption
is not common here - it is actually not allowed – the children who lose parents
or are born out of marriage are institutionalized. Most of the non-believers
here assume she is a child from second wife, but when I claim her as mine
they don’t understand. I try to explain but it is hard to explain it in the
language. I now have resolved to tell them she is just mine and not explain it unless they are close friends…
I sense Nations is old enough to listen and I think it confuses her.
She is loved by everyone here, though. She wins them over with her
beautiful smile and her friendly nature.
She constantly is talking and says “why?” at least 20 times a day. She
is very loving… I see both Perpetua and Nations being strong women… with
different focuses. I can see Nations will be that girl that has many friends
and will never know a stranger. I think she truly cares for people even so
little. Currently she is very concerned about mommy’s recent boo boo and is
checking on me constantly.
She also does everything that Petcha does and copies what she says.
As I write this now… she snuggles in bed with me playing
with a few cars acting out some story with the cover over her head. She loves being
close to me… she is the one that gets up now and runs to our bed in the morning
to snuggle… sometimes a little too early for mommy….
On a side note - Praise the LORD! We have both of them in
underwear now… it is like potty training twins… I think I have literally been handling other people’s poo for over 8 years now… something you don’t think
about when you think about what it takes to be a parent. J BUT is does come with the job.
I remember longing for a little brown eyed baby through
adoption… and now as I stare into her deep brown eyes I feel so honored and happy to get
to be the mommy of this little remarkable lady who consequently just fell asleep beside me.
Lord teach me to seize the day with these little ones of Yours that You have given into my care.
