Sunday, January 17, 2016

my baby is turning 3 years old...

As we are nearing Nations 3rd birthday and I am pregnant with the little one inside. I think more and more of Nations’ birth mother.

Feeling the little one inside me kick, reading how she is already learning my scent. I grieve with Nations the loss of her birth mother, and I grieve with her mother, though I don’t know if she is alive or dead, the loss of the beautiful treasure of Nations. I don’t know the circumstances of why she left her but I know that Nations will always be in her heart… she could never forget.

I love my little African Queen with all my heart. I feel so blessed that I get to be her mother, but I know of the heartache that she will soon experience as she lives a life without the one who brought her into the world the one whose expressions she holds the one she most likely looks like. Sometimes I wonder if I bumped into her birth mother if I would recognize her or maybe she resembles her birth father. You always try to protect your children from sadness and heartache but this one i can't protect her from. 

Here, where we are living, many people ask about her. Adoption is not common here - it is actually not allowed – the children who lose parents or are born out of marriage are institutionalized. Most of the non-believers here assume she is a child from second wife, but when I claim her as mine they don’t understand. I try to explain but it is hard to explain it in the language. I now have resolved to tell them she is just mine and not explain it unless they are close friends… I sense Nations is old enough to listen and I think it confuses her.

She is loved by everyone here, though. She wins them over with her beautiful smile and her friendly nature.  She constantly is talking and says “why?” at least 20 times a day. She is very loving… I see both Perpetua and Nations being strong women… with different focuses. I can see Nations will be that girl that has many friends and will never know a stranger. I think she truly cares for people even so little. Currently she is very concerned about mommy’s recent boo boo and is checking on me constantly.

She also does everything that Petcha does and copies what she says. 

As I write this now… she snuggles in bed with me playing with a few cars acting out some story with the cover over her head. She loves being close to me… she is the one that gets up now and runs to our bed in the morning to snuggle… sometimes a little too early for mommy….

On a side note - Praise the LORD! We have both of them in underwear now… it is like potty training twins… I think I have literally been handling other people’s poo for over 8 years now… something you don’t think about when you think about what it takes to be a parent. J  BUT is does come with the job.

I remember longing for a little brown eyed baby through adoption… and now as I stare into her deep brown eyes I feel so honored and happy to get to be the mommy of this little remarkable lady who consequently just fell asleep beside me.

Lord teach me to seize the day with these little ones of Yours that You have given into my care. 

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