peace

some of you may know my sister has lung cancer (stage 4 Adenocarcinoma to be exact). She was diagnosed March of this year. There are around 9,000 people in the U.S. with the ALK mutation that causes this type of cancer. My sister is a healthy non-smoking home school mommy of 4 cute kiddos, the youngest is 2 years old.

If you know anything about lung cancer... it will take a supernatural miracle for her to be healed. And that is exactly what is taking place, you would never know she has lung cancer by looking at her. She is still homeschooling, taking the kids places, cleaning house, cooking dinners, and whatever else a mom does. It is often easy to forget she has cancer, you can't see it with your eyes.

Since she was diagnosed there have been a roller coaster of emotions that we all have felt. Many of which are hard to put into words....hard to share with others...hard for others to understand.... but something steadfast about Holly is that she has peace, she trusts God, no matter what he chooses to do. She is thankful for today and she trusts Him.... not just because He is the giver of tomorrow but because HE is who He says He is. Because He knows best.

Sure she is seizing the day with her little ones, relishing every moment, i know this has given her a different perspective.

Tonight i was talking with the hubs wondering what i would do differently if i wasn't so confident i had    50 more years to live. I want live with the understanding that today is what i have... i want to remember that none of us have a promise of tomorrow. I want to live fully!

My trust and peace is not in tomorrow or God's gift of healing but in HIM.

Please keep praying for my sister. She is operating on HIS healing strength now (she is at only 25% of the original cancer that was in her body). Pray for complete healing.  And also the supernatural miracle of not just life but life to the fullest.

Holly and family

You can do something.

What can you do for a child without a mommy or daddy, without a safe place to rest at night, without arms to hold them, or hand to wipe away their tears, or strength to protect them from evil people, or someone to tell them they are amazing, beautiful, special, and valuable?

You can give up your weekly latte OR dine at home one night instead of going out OR skip the movie...

You can give a $1 a day ($30 a month)... and bring hope to a hopeless child.

You can do something.

Look in the eyes of these real children that need your help. I have met them. I have touched them. They need you to show them HIS love.

www.gpartners.org/sponsorachild 

My little Petcha Faith

How marvelous our God is.... how wondrous He is... i look at the little surprise miracle Perpetua and I  know HE is good. 8 and 1/2 months old now. She has been army crawling since 6 1/2 m and is now pulling up on things and climbing... it is hard to keep her in one place. I will try to get a picture of her with her toothless grin. She only has one bottom tooth now... so adorable.

boys will be boys

after lunch today i gave them some leftover marshmallow fondant (it is like play dough but edible - they have had it before) to mold cool stuff and eat and i left the room for less than 10 minutes...

.... yes ......they had it everywhere.... 

(this is just the pic of them after i captured them and stuck them in the tub.)

...even put it on Perpetua. Who was NOT very happy about it.

...and if you have ever tried to wash marshmallow out of hair, clothes, face, floor, etc.... you know how long it took me.

i tried not to die laughing.... especially when i showed them the mirror.

boys will be boys....

bust

34 years old.... yes... i know that is old to some of you ....to others maybe not so much...

i was 11 years old when i heard a man stand up and talk about a hole in the heart that each of us had...every human that ever existed has.... we each try to fill it with something -- other people, boy/girl, things, money, sports, drugs, drinking, work, good deeds, whatever......but eventually we realize that what we are trying to fill it with won't work. Those things/people leave us empty and the hole is still there. Only the creator of our hearts knows what will fill it because He is the one who created us with that hole. Only He can fill that hole. Only a love relationship with our Maker. We were designed to need HIM.

i knew exactly what hole that speaker was talking about... i knew the emptiness he spoke of even at 11 years old.

That is when i realized that HE was what i needed... HIM and only HIM. That was the moment i surrendered and HE filled my hole. I didn't understand fully what it took.... what God did through Jesus ... to make a way for me to have this love relationship with HIM.

i knew grace and forgiveness was extended and only by His grace and forgiveness, Jesus, could i enter into a love relationship with my Maker. And so i fell at the front of that big room that night... i cried... i surrendered and more importantly HE picked me up and made me new... like a new person. i knew i was different... i felt close to God.... even giddy... thinking about what He did for me....about His love. i remember skipping through that campground the next day.....feeling as though i could fly in a way... as though all of my burdens were lifted.

i remember being so giddy... i wanted everyone everywhere to to know Him. i remember at 12 years old reading through biographies of people whose whole lives were dedicated to showing and sharing God's love to people (in Acteens- a club a the church we were going to). i knew that is what He wanted me to do to go live where ever God leads and show and share Him.

i remember telling everyone about Him about His love... i remember preaching on the school bus when i was in Junior High and have discussions about creation vs. evolution in high school with neighborhood kids. i remember the floods of bible studies i went to and how each feed me so much.... i needed it more than food. i remember going downtown, the mall, house to house, on trips, everywhere telling people about Him.

i remember the first person i prayed with that realized her need for Jesus, a child in W.V.

i remember heading to Texas and falling even more madly in love with my Creator. I remember leading people to Him in Venezuela, Downtown Dallas, Acquire the Fire Conventions, Ghana, China, and Peru. I remember sweet hours with Him in the fields in Texas.

i remember when God brought Jonathan into my life...out of the clear blue.... not expecting. i thought i was going be single sharing His love somewhere in the world.  Almost 10 years of marriage... i watch as God has refined and is refining my selfish heart through marriage. We have lead people to Him in Jordan, India, Guatemala, Haiti, Slovakia, Kenya, and other places. I remember the faces of the people when they finally realize there need for Him and what He did to show them His love... their tears.

i look at my children and i know God has put me in their lives to show and share with them what they were created to do. Their purpose in life. i get giddy when i tell them about HIM.... who He is, His love, His holiness.

i know nothing matters but us knowing our Maker and making Him known to the world.

Without Him there is no purpose to life. He is the giver of life. He knows why you are here and for what reason He made you.

To unbeiliving America i ask you to look at the facts... as well as ask Him to show Himself to you.

i get soooo fustrated because i don't look like Jesus: i am full of the sin that so easily entangles.... i want to bust free...but i am trapped....selfish, easily distracted, prideful, looking at His hand rather than Him, like a child i act....

i am frustrated because i know i often i point people away from Jesus than to Him...i sooo want to be those people that spew Jesus.... that cry when they hear His name....that give everything and hold nothing back....that see people through His eyes of compassion...that speak with supernatural wisdom ... that boldly shout.... and softly comfort.

People who call yourself Christians.... we only have one life to live..... let's point to HIM with every breath that we have left. Help me Christians... i am weak... i am distracted....i need your help to point Him!!!!!!

Every time we go anywhere now, Eljiah will ask me if the people around us know Jesus.... i sadly tell him that many probably don't..... why don't i think that way? why don't i look at the multitudes with compassion and forget the grocery list. What would happen if i did.... my child would know He is worthy and every one needs Him.....i wouldn't have to tell Him that.... He would see it.

God help me walk your path.

Christ like

I was at someones house this week and the news was on. It was one of those channels where they argue a lot. I heard a debater say, "I was a Christian but i am not anymore because as Mahatma Gandhi said I did not see Christ among them."

This had me pondering for a week. I know i look nothing like Christ...and i am sure millions could look at my life and say as this lady or Gandhi did - i think Jesus is wonderful but this person is not like Him.

Gandhi's full quote was "Jesus is ideal and wonderful, but you Christians -- you are not like him."

The more time i spend reading His words and spending time with Him, the more i realize i don't look or talk or think like Him.  My actions are not like His actions.

At the end of my life, I want someone to have a quote, "I saw Jesus when I saw Heidi." or "I am a follower of Christ and madly in love with my Creator and I saw this Jesus in Heidi."

I know a lot of head things about Jesus...but Lord help me to live Jesus everyday. Help me to be truly the definition of Christian, Christ-like. Help me to shine YOU to the world around me.